Why do they hurt us so bad when they are supposed to love us?

The beginning of a relationship always seems like a fairy tale for most people.  So why is it that when most relationships end they have to be so painful?  This is not an easy question to answer as we all have different circumstances as to why “it didn’t work out.”    Take the word “fairy tale” for a moment and think about the emotion it gives you.  Happiness, love, joy, etc.  We LOVE those emotions.  We “blast off” in our personal and professional lives when things are going well.  So when just the opposite happens, we will do anything to try and get those good “fairy tale” feelings back again.   This is why more than 90% of people who leave a painful relationship will find a “re-bound”  to give them those good feelings again.  The sad part is that we often hurt those people too.   A catch 22.

Now why is that we have this “revengeful” attitude toward the one we used to want to spend the rest of our lives with.  It basically is our way of making sure the other person shares the hurt and pain along with you.  Make sense?  If we are going through pain because of the other person or even if it is something you have done…..  we want the other person to hurt too.  “I’m not happy so why should you be?”  Then we often find ourselves and our former love out and about with a new “fling.”  Letting you or them know that they can get on with life without you.

So now you find your self in this situation.  What do you do to change it?   Again, we all have different circumstances, but…. lets take a look at some ideas.   Remember reading in the bible “You will reap what you sow?”  This is what you are doing if you are trying to hurt someone else….you are only bringing back to yourself.       There is an old saying “Kill them with kindness.”  This is the best thing you can do.  It doesn’t mean you have to be their best friend, it just means you make a path for them to follow around your personal space.

Ok… so what if you are doing all of this but the other person is still trying to make your life a personal hell?  Again, in the bible Jesus tells us to “turn the other cheek” and if they want more you “give them your coat too.”  What does this mean in relationship terms….?  It means you do your best while time passes.  I know this is WAY easier said than done.  But do you remember a time when you thought your world was going to end, but then it never did?  My best advice is to find comfort in things you enjoy doing with friends and family.  and if the other half still is trying to get to you, just remember what the wizard said in OZ:  “Pay no attention the man behind the curtain.”  haha.

Truth is we are capable of beautiful dreams but we also create nightmares.  Before you do something vengeful, think about where your action will really get you.  If you hate them bad enough you just may make the 5 o’clock news.  but let’s put things in perspective and move forward no matter how much it hurts.  It doesn’t hurt to seek help or counseling or just talk to a good friend.  Remember….  “We reap what we sow.”

Best to you!!

Kevin Talley




About Kevin Talley Photography

Louisville Based Photographer. Published in Oxygen Magazine, Women's Health Magazine Former Model with Elite and Wilhelmina in Miami and NEXT & Ford in Los Angeles.

Posted on June 21, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. One must make a friend of pain.
    Only by silencing the ego can one achieve this.
    Revenge never works anyway.
    Real love is eternal and it’s reward is fleeting.
    It is a chalice of the wine of bliss.
    Better to pass it to the next person.
    They, too, thirst…

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